In "The Fifth Element" - one of my favourite films ever, and one that inspired my sister to create an award winning cocktail - Bruce Willis is on the phone to his cab company manager describing the state of his love life after his wife left him.
"I don't want any woman...I want the perfect one" he states, or words to that effect.
Luckily for him, perfection in the form of "Leeloo Dallas Multipass" crashes out of the sky through the roof of his flying taxi, and immediately he has found her. Thus his perfect woman is a tall, orange yellow haired supreme being, created to fight the ultimate evil in the universe, and with a nice line in wearing bandages.
The perfect woman is of course a myth, in fact people's imperfections are far more interesting than what is perfect. I find the idea of perfection to be rather bland and boring - Lucian Freud would have been a very boring artist if all he'd painted were perfect people, and if the universe were perfect, we and nothing else in it would exist.
But should you be that hung up on the idea of having a relationship with "The Perfect Woman", as I see it, you have three options.
1) Accept that perfection is unattainable, and settle for the imperfect woman best suited to you, and enjoy a happy relationship.
2) Accept that perfection is unattainable, and decide that rather than settle for anything less you will settle for a life of monastic purity untained by fleshy desires.
3) Accept that perfection is unattainable BY NORMAL MEANS, and take up a career following women around, kidnapping them. and surgically harvesting their best bits in a cellar of torment soundproofed to conceal the screams. Thus, in the 19th century gothic novel manner, you can create the perfect woman from lots of bits of others. The drawback to this is the fundamental illegality, and the fact that you never quite know whether you have harvested an abnormal brain or not, turning your Natalie Portman faced, Jennifer Connelly busted creation into a psyschopath with nothing on its mind apart from THE EXTERMINATION OF LIFE!!!!!!
I leave the choice to you.
Copyright Bloody MUlberry 26.06.13
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