Currently
watching “Death Line” on Horror Channel, a movie featuring inbred
cannibals trapped in disused parts of the Underground system...
There
are many horror or more loosely, violent action, movies set on Public
Transport. Various monsters and murderers have stalked the
underground on both sides of the Atlantic, and we know of snakes both
on planes and on trains. My knowledge on buses is a bit sketchier,
but I'm sure we've had a few killings on a Routemaster or Greyhound
at some point. Cars can be killers (Christine) or a handy venue for
death.
There
have been murdering Hells Angel bikers, and of course, the 1973
British movie “Psychomania” featuring Satan worshipping two
wheeled fiends, killing themselves to come back us undead evil
do-ers.
However,
I struggle to think of films involving violence involving pushbikes.
Unless you count BMX Bandits?
With
ccycling on the up and up in this country, you would have though some
innovative film-makers might have seen a market emerging for bicycle
based horror. A violent revenge drama, involving London cyclists
taking out bloody, intestine shredding revenge on motorists and loory
drivers responsible for the deaths of their friend? Why not? What
about cycle Ninjas, meting out be-sworded death from their Muddy
Foxes, high speed slicing of footslogging Yakuzas?
A man
installs a massive prong on the front on the front of his Trek, to
gonad-ally impale flashers terrorising women on a lonely cycle track.
A man fits razer blades to his bike chain to cut the legs of scrap
thieves, another puts scythes on wheelhubs to cut in half insulting
driver's cars; and their bodies.
Another
lone cycling gun throws half bricks through the windows of scrap
dealer trucks, laced with arrow poison frog venom. Scrappy skulls are
then strung up to his handlebars, and there's always room for more.
Best of
all, a team of crack cycling investigators unearth gangs of bicycle
thieves in a small market town, and stake them out in a public place
before performing bunny hops on their balls with studded ice tyres,
before going home to have sex with Uma Thurman and the hot Nazi
Frenchwoman from Inglorious Basterds.
Very
very copyright!
Copyright Bloody Mulberry 02.01.13
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