Copyright Bloody Mulberry 29/02/2012
Research Bulletin
OX1454 – Recreational Past-Times
As per my stated intention
of the report 0600 27th 12th 2012th
(local sol time and date standard) I brought my vessel to an altitude
of 35 thousand metres above the National Centre for Recreation in the
state capital. Our optical and radar backscattering camouflage worked
perfectly and it appeared that the island's military system's did not
recognise our presence. As predicted by Your Supreme Exultancy with
marvellous foresight.
Before the event took place
and the crowds of the local semi-sentient life form appeared in the
vicinity, we carefully scanned the immediate area, and descended to
teleportation range of 10 thousand metres, still well above the
precipitation laden clouds that seem a permanent feature of the local
climate.
Switching to infra-red
scanning revealed the two groups of eleven subjects, in separate
antechambers. My first officer and I decided this was the best time
to strike, and so activated the teleport on the group that spoke the
same guttural vernacular as the locals, wearing white as some kind of
primitive tribal insignia. The other group, wearing a colour in
honour of a popular fruit we had seen growing in the planet's hotter
areas, we left behind as a control group.
The eleven were teleported
directly into our medical facility. Due to their primitive nervous
systems, cutting through the skull structure without sedation seemed
to cause no great suffering, indeed many of the eleven seemed to
think they were in something called a “massage parlour” and kept
demanding something called “A happy finish.” Indeed one of their
number inserted his forelimb into the primary, secondary and tertiary
sexual orifices of our chief medical technician and had to be
immediately lobotomised.
Brain extraction from the
eleven subjects proved to be surprisingly easy, as the brain matter
was rather smaller than the skull cavity and there was little
obstruction to its removal. We teleported them back to observe what
happened during their ensuing recreational activities, while we
examined their cortexes.
We were stunned to see that
even after brain removal, the test subjects were able to engage in
their recreational ritual at about 70% the efficiency of their
opponents! Although we found later this is the same when they have
their brains intact. Their ability to use their lower limbs to propel
an inflatable spheroid at right angles across the recreational area
without their brains was incredible, although moving it towards the
supposed target area was more difficult.
Their salivation responses
were entirely normal, even superior, and saliva projection onto other
recreational bipeds was totally accurate. After the period of
recreation, they engaged in washing activities in their antechamber,
as did the control group, accompanied by some forms of
pseudo-homosexual activity.
This correlated with what we
found upon examining their brain activity, which although it needed
considerable amplification to detect, revealed other such parodies of
activity, where a member of the opposite sex seemed to be being used
as some form of universal adaptor for two, or sometimes three or four
of the recreational bipeds to engage in congress together, a result
that made us wonder how the species on this planet manage to
procreate at all.
Although why they should be
allowed to is beyond us.
Copyright Bloody Mulberry
29/02/2012
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