Friday, 30 May 2014

My Secret Tunnels, my Secret Bases


I have many fantasies, a secret agent alt-persona, who is always needing to get away in a hurry from the scene of my assassinations and bomb based sabotagings.

Alternatively, I accidentally ran over an oldster on my bicycle, and need to get away in a hurry.

I have various imaginings on how this would work. On one hand I have secret dens in nearby woods, or even little stands of trees in town, amidst unsuspecting houses. After doing my mischiefs, I find my nearest hideout, and my individual heat signature pattern opens it up to me and only me…the doors slide back like a mini Tracey Island, brambles and nettles moving with it.

And then I jump in, and the door slides back as if nothing had happened. IR cameras and ground penetrating radar are scrambled. I am totally safe. I have media, books, and a huge supply of rum. I keep changes of clothing inside, and disguises; a machine can bleach my hair straw blond in 5 seconds – envious ladies? – and change my eyes.

I always pick black-brown and bright blue eyes.

All this in a room the size of a living room. Ultrasonic showers. Body waste teleported out of you to the nearest treatment works.

(Reflecting on this, I realise the sci fi novella “A Plague of Demons” has something similar)

The cycle escape routes are a network of tunnels that just open up in the road, and slide me down into 2 metre wide underground Sustrans routes that link up my secret bases.

One minute I’m being chased by helicopters, the next minute I am gone, cycling deep underground with nightvision goggles on, planning my next daring act of subversion.
Copyright Bloody Mulberry 30.05.14

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