There
are other kinds of Lament Configuration puzzle box in this world.
We only
see the ones that open a gateway to Hell, where you meet “Explorers,
in the outer reaches of experience” with unpleasant bodily
modifications, who promise to tear your soul apart if you are found
to have been lying to them.
The
Cenobites.
However,
other boxes, when solved, open portals to the heavenly dimensions,
and here you meet the denizens thereof, the Angelic Cenobites. Here,
there are no cruel hooks and chains to quarter your writhing body
with, but rather entities dressed in a mixture of goose down and
supersoft Cushelle lavatory paper. One offers you an infinite supply
of kittens conjured out of thin air. Another smiles beatifically out
of a face made of rose petals smothered in Ambrosia and Nectar.
There
is a heavenly equivalent of the Butterball Cenobite, but this one is
fat because he is so utterly bursting with love. All have eyes of
violet with starshine behind them, nails and wire are in short
supply. As soon as you make their acquaintance, they follow you
everywhere, singing songs of great beauty and showering you with
praise, gently kissing your neck and proffering you lambs to pet.
The
infinite light of God is shining in the background, and as the path
to heavenly praise glows brighter and brighter, and the love of the
Cenobites grows greater and more cloying, you reach desperately for
the other puzzle box in your pocket.
For
being torn apart by rusty chains is infinitely preferable to this
endless angelic gloop.
Copyright Bloody Mulberry 03/09/13
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