Sitting in my local library, doubly
caffeined with a large tea followed by a large coffee, I was looking
for a source of inspiration.
And superimposed on a background of
grey skies and lush green trees, I saw it. A bronzed statue of civil
war soldiers. One is a blank faced drummer, the other a royalist
officer wielding a broken sword, and wearing a fancy hat that from
the rear looks like a giant fist is coming out his head. Almost as if
he met the shapeshifting squelchy alien anal invaders in the classic
Brian Yuzna film “Society”.
They must get very bored, used for
little else other than a pissing post for the local drunks and a
perch for birds. And then I wonder if they have a secret life…a
secret mobile life, like Rosie and Jim, having adventures by
moonlight after the library has home and the last street drinker has
brought the last of their clear vomit up over the flagstones.
Not children’s adventures though.
Adventures of, shall we say, a more adult nature.
I remember reading of the Italian
titular porno-comic character Sukia, and how her and her gay friend
once had “an experience” at the hands of the Riace Bronzes, the
two Classical 5th century Greek statues found in the 70s
off the boot of Italy. Perhaps our civil war drummers do the same
thing; in fact I wished they would. The local thugs could meet a
bloody end on the end of his rapier, their blood spilt on the slime
stained cobbles of our market square.
They could use the old bear baiting
post to silently, metallically, torment the dross of the town. Death
of a thousand drumstick-dipped-in-excrement punctures for bicycle
thieves. Mouthy high heel violent women eaten by android bears after
being forced to eat five kilos of chips. All conducted under a
sympathetic moon and the un-natural orange streetlight glow.
But they also provide reward. They
climb into the bedrooms of lonely kind people, and service their
every desire on their birthdays, Cavalier genitals meeting those of
the modern age, a Battle of Naseby storm of pleasure, the Civil
Warriors silently putting smiles on the faces of the worthy, the
purpose of the fist on his hat revealed only to the select few…
Copyright Bloody
Mulberry 21/09/2013
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