I've been known for saying how much I enjoy cheap Brit Horror genre flicks, and efforts like, say, "Community" with Jemma Dallender, are characterful, quirky and enjoyable. They even sometimes manage to be disturbing too, witness "Sawney, Killer of Men" as well as the aforementioned "Community" with its human-nourished super cannabis plants.
"Strippers versus Werewolves" however, is like a Hollyoaks producer thinking that he needed slightly stronger stroke material, and getting on the phone to Ali Bastian's agent while sucking on a pair of transparent heels.
Ms Bastian, who unbelievably is the second most credible actor in this movie - behind a tying Sarah Douglas from Supermaan 2 and a Steven Berkoff who shows up for five minutes presumably to pay for printer cartridges for his latest theatrical script - teams up with such luminaries as the "Injury Lawyers 4 U" man and a bunch of what look like Page 3 girls trying their "hands" at acting.
Thrown in some Queen Vic background extras in speaking parts, and prosthetics stolen from a skip behind a hairdressers, and you have a feast of cretinism that a hydrogen bomb couldn't erase. For some reason I find the most hateful thing being the scene wipes consisting of a silhouette of a stripper, or crappy claw marks.
It really marks it out as a production of quality.
The ironic thing is that if it is designed to have a titiallatory air about it, then anyone who gets off on this movie must have a ridiculously low level of eroticism, because the whole movie is more vanilla than ice cream. I've had more hardcore experiences buying Barr's Cherryade for 29p in Poundstretchers.
The fact that it's on SyFy, rather than the Horror Channel, tells its own story.
Copyright Bloody Mulberry 16.07.14writing, am writing, horror, sci fi,
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