Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts

Friday, 23 May 2014

The Broken Poet Repair Shop


Your poet is stuck on a stanza. Locked in a hexameter. Beaten by a beat, fingers blistered on a pencil. Stuck in a loop, endlessly repeating the words “Desolate...Desolation...” over and over again.

Think your poet is fit only for lyrical landfill? Thing again!

The all new custom “Wordy-smith Poet Poet Chop Shop” can get your poet rhapsodising again in less than a day with our new express service. We can remove writers block, stammering, excessive posing and a tendency to poet-ise to impress women while-u-wait, using parts ethically sourced from renewable sources.

No longer will your poet falter during your fancy dinner party recital of TS Eliot, and ever more will your curator of similical beauty trip up over his tongue in a Wordsworth. And your friends will love you too, as the hardrive on your newly upgraded poet can have many extra gigabytes of poetry installed, so no more will there be awkward pauses during your crucial literary dinner party with an English Literature student you would like to get to know better.

In case your poet turns out to be beyond economical repair, we can dispose of it humanely for you, and discuss some great deals we have on brand new dada-ist and avant garde models custom made just for you!

Only at “Wordy-smith Poet Poet Chop Shop”! Your bard, is our business.

Copyright Bloody Mulberry 23.05.14

Saturday, 5 April 2014

Poets in Space


Is there a use for poetry in space?

Can the language of apogee, perigee, declination, right ascension, thrust vectors, newtonian mechanics and lagrangian points harbour those for whom words are a means to an artistic end? And not a means of requesting more oxygen be let into somewhere from a valve to ensure the survival of pocket humanity against the vast all but emptiness of space.

Space loves capital punishment, and is the harshest of hanging judges. Who can need beautiful wordsmiths where a single mistake of prosaic human or engineering frailty results in certain death.

Everything is checklist, double checklist, instruction manual and zero gravity suction lavatory. The incredible Commander Hadfield took beautiful photographs and sang a little Bowie, but if he had started declaiming Homer while bowing on a lyre, his fellow astronauts would have bundled him out of the airlock faster than you can say “tin can”.

Yet, when humanity does colonise the stars and planets, the arts will have to play a part. A society will surely go mad without them, without an outlet to perform and express. The all encompassing sterility of space must have an antidote; steel domes and plastic furniture won't be enough.

And so, in addition to the square jawed heroes, science nerds, brilliant women, engineers, doctors and folk who's hair looks good in zero gravity, so there will need to stained trouser artists, dusty sculptors, and lank haired writers in tweed jackets with elbow patches. And the poets, space berets and polo necks, astro beatniks, will have to go to.

It seems strange to think of it, but it is true. Mars needs poets.

Copyright Bloody Mulberry 05.04.14

Friday, 14 March 2014

The Planet of the Artists


I read now that the Mars One colonization project – a one way trip to found a new society on Mars, essentially – has now found a producer for the reality TV programme that is going to be constructed around it.

While the whole thing smacks of an eccentric rich Dutchman's idea of highly publicised group suicide to some, there is no doubt that sooner or later someone is going to have to try and colonise another world in that very fashion...what kind of people will they be? Will they be scientists, dry, practical yet crackling with mechanical invention? Or oridinary people, drawn by inducements to leave an overcrowded Earth for our real life future “Off-World Colonies” on plasma rockets of shining silver?

Or perhaps, the technology to send people extraterrestrial will become available to artists.

What could a planet settled by artists, and a society begotten by artists be like? Peaceful with an intense co-operation and indeed socialism in the Martian wind? Or competitive, talents of all kinds striving to out-do each other in the new world they created?

Movements will divide up the five continents after the devastating war between the conceptualists and the realists. Sculptures cast their new style idols high above the inconceivable red landscape, organic forms in brass and bronze glinting in the reduced sunlight, so high that across the Straits of Da Da the Island of the Photographers can see them plain. The photographers document themsevles, document themsevles taking pictures of each other, feedback in the lenses choing to eternity.

The photographers forget to feed themsevles, so intent with their documentation and display thereof are they. They rely on food-drops from the poets, who make edible books out of their poetry because on mars paper is not only edible but a delicacy...the future poet of Mars thinks that his words are literally and doubly so food for the soul and so should be distributed free from sub orbital space capsules.

How does a poet know how to build a space capsule? They have made lyrical the instruction manuals and their iambic factory workers can cope with this form of industrialisation.

The land of the architects, which on the southern shore of one of Lowell and Schiaparelli's canals, which are really real but highly misunderstood, is one of holes. For reasons of contrariness, all land above 5 metres in height is levelled with powerful instruments, and vast holes are dug, holes that are in the shape of buildings that aren't there...a Chrysler building made of nothing, a Palace of Knossos in insolid air, Eiffel Tower up not down, girder shapes etched in the rock, into the depths.

Of course, these architectural spaces being sacred, their creators don't dwell in them and live in crude tents in the super-dry terraformed atmosphere, throats coated in sand so they can't speak.

Finally there is the Continent of the Painters, a community engaged in an endless project – to reproduce in entirety the night sky on the ground in utter exactitude. It is a beautiful wonder, and to avoid spoiling it, they live underground, deep enough so their rabbit digging does not fracture the art. They painted the land black, and picked out stars in titanium oxide white, Tio2, tinting them occasionally yellow or red to match in utter exactitude the tints of Capella, Betelgeuse and the rest. The poets don't feed them because they don't like their slavish copying of nature; they have learned and evolved to subsist off their own paint.

The project never finishes, because every new comet, meteor and nova has to be added in, streaking the blackscape in more white and making the painters scream “THIS MASTERPIECE OF CREATION SHALL NEVER BE FINISHED”

Copyright Bloody Mulberry 14.03.04

Saturday, 22 February 2014

What to do when a Poet Uses the Word “Desolate” Too Many Times


Poets have suddenly sprung out of the earth everywhere, like one of those American towns where annoying chripy crickets emerge every 17 years in order to eat all the leaves, and leave dessicated insectoid corpses rotting all over the ground for months afterwards.

Poets are hard to avoid. A truly dedicated poet can insist on trying to make you read their latest work in any social situation, and if you claim you are awaiting a phone call from a girlfriend in Guatemala that can only be made in that time window, they will roll up their sonnet and try and stuff it down your eye socket directly into your brain.

Avoid that, and they will follow you home and hide under your bed, and read it out as you sleep, subliminally imprinting your brain with pretentious imagery as you dream.

A favoured word of peripapatetic pub poets is “Desolate”. Every couplet mentions it, and every stanza that doesn't mention it has an air of desolation about it anyway. Relationships are desolate. Loneliness is desolate. Friendships involve a profound sense of desolation, and mental health is as desolate as the surface of the moon after a nuclear war.

Frankly, everything is far too fucking desolate.

But I have a suggestion. The next time a poet offers me a tract that features too much of this “D-Word” I will have them transported to the most barren desert in the universe, under a sun that blazes with so little mercy it would happily incinerate a starving child who had just watched their mother murdered. There they will write “Desolate” in the sand with a stick a thousand times in words one mile long.

And if they fail to complete that task within a year, a goat headed demon god from hell will appear, and give them an enema of burning sand.

Copyright Bloody Mulberry 22.02.14