I
regret there not being a proper art space in town for happenings to
happen in. There's museums with a bit of room in them, a council hall
for fusty exhibitions and stilted sculpture, and some commercial art
shops selling overpriced oily things. Aside from school assemblies
about overworked pit ponies, that's it.
Our
proper theatre has nothing but tribute acts and has been-ers paying
off a tax bill, and gigs are of the pub standard only, I'm afraid.
Myself,
I like open spaces. But I also like small spaces, and in this town
there are many – the old museum, caveish spaces in the indoor
market, the tunnels under the town, endless pub upstairs rooms, side
rooms, underrooms, overrooms..
Many
places for people to think in are needed too, but a performance space
is a must. I imagine having a theatre the size of a large living
room, accommodating only the elite, with a small stage, a deranged MC
in the Joel Grey crossed with evil Victorian scientist mold – oh
how I wish this could be me – and small scale theatre, comedy,
dance and burlesque acts.
The
atmosphere would be elegantly depraved, on a compulsory level, and no
low class kinksters shall be allowed. A door policy will be
maintained, probably involving would be guests being able to quote
from Kubrick or Cronenberg. No tracksuit bottoms, and anyone wearing
Henri Lloyd within a thousand yards will be chased after by one eyed
psychic bouncer, and killed.
Tolouse
Lautrec will be raised from the dead to do the interior decor and
publicity posters, and the official club anthem will be Beethoven's
Seventh Symphony, as used in Zardoz. The bar will sell no lager, and
anyone without an enjoyment of fine spirits will be ejected through
the roof. There might be the odd event that will attract protests
from the religious or the censorious – we will ignore all of them
bar one, a random festive occasion in which all club members shall
lynch our oh so moral enemies upon burning pentagrams.
But I
don't want things to be too gothic, for I want the atmosphere to be
welcoming to those who aren't adored to the nth degree. No nu-metal.
No emo. But let's keep rules affecting the club members to a minimum
shall we? And make those affecting the great unwashed who affect us
positively DRACONIAN!
Copyright Bloody Mulberry 27.01.14
