The Swarm and Crap Cinema's Greatest Quote

"Are you endowing these bees with human motives? Like saving their fellow bees from captivity, or seeking revenge on Mankind?"

"I always credit my enemy, no matter what he may be, with equal intelligence."

So responds Richard Widmark as General Thalius Slater (wasn't he in the Burton "planet of the Apes"?) to Michael Caine, as they and a host of other big star names from the 70s - Ricahrd Chamberlain! Katherine Ross! Slim Pickens! - fight to keep their heads above a mighty, buzzing, nuclear power station destroying tide of AFRICAN KILLER BEES.

"Burn you motherbuzzers!!!!"

It isn't easy, because these bees can kill you with just 6 stings, and if you don't die, agonising hallucinating madness awaits.

Butch Cassidy seems a long time ago, eh Katharine

 Of course, Widmark being the usual military idiot wants to take the shock and awe option, bombing, spraying, and immolating the bees out of existence, but Caine dissuades him with a memorable, ballbusting ecological lecture, delivered in the loudest yell Caine ever used in his career. Blowing bloody doors off has nothing on it.

That is the point, general! The honey bee is vital to the environment! Every year in america, they pollinate six billion dollars worth of crops! If you kill the bee, you're gonna kill the crop! If you kill the plants, you'll kill the people! No! No, general! There will be no air drop, until we know exactly, what we are dropping, and where, and how! Excuse me!

Of course, they are both right. Caine lures the bees offshore using some sort of sonic gizmo, where Widmark is finally able to deploy his napalm on the pollinating apid psychopaths. But not before most of the stars die, all the extras die - best scene; an old teacher screaming as her kids are agonisingly exstingulated - and Henry Fonda overdoses himself with bee venom in a fruitless attempt to find an antidote.

AAARRGGGHHHHH

Doctor Kildare's bedside manner comes in for criticism

This mega camp Irwin Allen disaster (in all senses) classic was shown last night on BBC4. Iplayer while you can and give yourself a treat.